Self-care, remove your toxins and take back control
Self-care is something that I have truly struggled with. My entire life I have always had my focus on everyone else, either desperately fighting for attention to be noticed, or having pity on others and trying to make their situation better, rather than focusing on my own situation. Since I started counselling I have really been able to put my life into perspective, it’s all making a lot more sense and the dots are starting to be connected. I still to this day struggle with this, I am always concerned I am going to hurt someone, even though they continuously hurt me. It’s like rewarding a dog for bad behaviour.
We can do self-care until we are blue in the face, but let’s be honest, it’s not going to do an oz of good if we are still around people who are toxic. Eventually, our relationships, our children, and our life start to suffer. Why do we do this to ourselves? It’s the same as being in a domestic violence relationship, it’s familiar and it is what we know. Our minds are scared of the unknown, this is the reason why so many people are scared of death.
People who are negative and toxic are all about control. They try to control the way you feel, think and act. This is often where people start to develop rage, so much anger is built up that you lash our and scream and do and say hurtful things. Do they listen? No. Why? They don’t see what they are doing, and or they don’t care. Most of the time these toxic people will never listen and never see what they are doing to you. This leads to people thinking you’re the crazy one. They will continue to try to get people to understand their views, potentially brainwashing everyone around them.
Often, more times than not these toxic people are family. People have this pre-conceived notion, that since they are family we have to keep them close, and “put up” with the crap, but guess what, you don’t. If you are not happy and you get anxiety just thinking about them, why keep doing this to yourself.
“The facts are that family members are just people and not always healthy people, and if these people weren’t family, we would never choose them to be a part of our lives due to their poor treatment of us,”-Campbell¹
For those of us who have children, I like to think to myself “why would I want to subject my children to the situations in which hurt me”. My children have made the struggle real for me; they have made me force myself into self-care, not only for myself but for them too. A very wise phrase as you may of hear growing up is “it’s about quality not quantity” and this applies to every aspect of your life.
I’m writing this for everyone who has ever been in a toxic relationship, whether it was domestic, family, or friends. I want everyone to feel empowered to make their own change. Take back the control of your life, and your feelings. Why take medication for anxiety when you can remove the reason for your anxiety out of your life.
You can attend an event, and be treated badly by people that are saying hurtful things to you or about you or, you don’t attend the event and people still say hurtful about you, what is the difference? The difference is you are not putting up with the anxiety. You didn’t give in and reward them for their bad behaviours. If you have anxiety just thinking about the event why subject yourself to more abuse.
I read an amazing book once, and I highly recommend it to everyone, to at least read this book sometime in their life. “How full is your bucket- by Tom Rath” This book gave me a lot of insight about my life as a person and as a parent. It goes with the saying you can’t pour from an empty cup, so how are you expected to attend these mentally draining occasions, then come home to your spouse and/or children and then continue to give to them? How can you give when there is nothing left to give.
You can’t pour from an empty cup²
- Remove toxic people
- Think of a safe place a happy place
- Do something for yourself
- Create a new tradition, a new normal
- Break the cycle.
- Essential oils
If this sounds like your life and you are looking to start making a change, I always recommend counselling, it helps put everything in perspective. I always highly suggest using essential oils for mood management. If your depression is taking over your life, you can speak with your Naturopath or MD.